Fast forward to 1:15
“I’ll never understand it. You’re so bright, charming and beautiful. I think to myself: What problems could you possibly have?”
You never know what is going on in people’s lives. That rang true for me when my good friend and colleague turned 30 some years ago and I gave her a present that was completely inappropriate.
She is one of those people who is unassumingly cool. Jowita Bydlowska has the beauty of a fashion model, the wit of a sharp-tongued barman (very observant and always spot-on), and a knack for writing that gives you chills because it’s like she’s inside your mind. She was celebrating her big 3-0 at the back room of a small bar in Toronto. So when I came across a French bottle of red wine that was decadently rich and dressed with a gorgeous label, I had to buy it for her.
Days later, I got a sweet email. Jowita wrote me to thank me for the thoughtful gift (I had thought it was, too) and to let me know that she gave it to her partner because she doesn’t drink anymore. We were good friends, and I should know. I felt like Michael Kane’s character, Elliot, in “Hannah & Her Sisters,” a 1986 film by Woody Allen. When he happens to run into Lee, played by Barbara Hershey, on her way to an AA meeting, he says to her that she is far too beautiful and smart to have a drinking problem.
Alcoholism has many stigmas, and some of them are true… with some people. It’s not always obvious. Not all sit in a bar for hours, are too drunk to go to work, get caught drunk driving or destroy their relationships with family and friends. Alcoholism can affect those who seem to have it all together.
I’m very proud of Jowita for overcoming such a challenging time, and also for including such honesty in her new book Drunk Mom, which launches April 24th.
It’s tough to write about yourself. I’m finding that with this blog even. And I’m writing about silly things like what I ate that day, clothes I want to buy and planning a self-indulgent wedding. There’s that constant thought of how I will appear to a reader, what will they think, and the worry I might offend them. In real life it doesn’t seem to matter – whoever will like me will like me, and those who don’t, oh well. With the written word, it’s a game of editing and pulling yourself out and then putting yourself back in. I’m in awe of Jowita. And also, I wanted to know how she did it. So I asked her.
How did you start writing about yourself? Isn’t that hard to do? I personally find it difficult and edit myself so much that I wonder how authentic I sounds.
“A personal story is just as important as any story – all stories are human and represent common experiences, even if they’re told via personal prism. And distance is absolutely necessary – in terms of ‘Drunk Mom,’ I know that this is my memoir but now it’s a story even to me and although I identify with the main character I’m not that person anymore today. I believe that any human being can evolve.
“Authenticity is tricky since, as a writer, you need to be very disciplined with the personal stories you intend to publish, tighten them, tweak, copy edit. Otherwise you’re writing a journal and who wants to read that? Well, unless you’re John Cheever.”
How much of the writing the writing you do is for readers and how much of it is for yourself? Who do you write for?
“The writing that I love, such as personal essays and fiction, is always for me, in that I write what I personally would like to read. You can’t be authentic if you write to the audience. And I mean ‘to,’ not ‘for’ because you always write ‘for’ if you do decide to publish.”
Do you read your own work later?
“I read all my stuff again while making revisions and it hurts. Once stuff gets published I might read it once but most likely not. I seriously want to puke every time I read something I wrote long time ago. So I try not to read that stuff.”
What will your next book be about?
“It’s called ‘Why Women Love Me’ and it’s a novel about sex and twisted love. It can be described as reverse ‘50 Shades of Grey’ meets ‘American Psycho.’ ‘Why Women Love Me’ is a novel that’s from the point of view of a misogynistic man. I’m also working on my Canadian novel called ‘The Atonement of Harry Madder’ and I’ve a long-term project called ‘Wolf Girls’ – a sci-fi novel about a tribe of warrior women in a post-apocalyptic world.”
You must be the most honest person. Are you?
“No.”
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